As a divorce attorney in a very busy County and in a very busy state, I know what a divorce can solve and I know what a divorce cannot or will not. First I will go into what a divorce/dissolution of marriage can do. Also when filing for divorce it is very important to remember, you and your spouse can control how civil your case will be or how nasty it will be so keep that in mind in how you handle the situation and the uglier it gets, the more people lose.

A divorce in New Jersey can:

  1. End your marriage on paper.
  2. Set financial obligations between you and your former spouse if necessary. This is not required but if you do not seek alimony now, you cannot go back to court once the Judge signs your divorce decree and seek alimony. If you are awarded alimony you will have a court order to obtain same. The court will only keep track and enforce that order if you stay on top of it and go back to court if someone falls behind. If the court denies you alimony, unless you appeal, you cannot go back to obtain it.
  3. Divide your assets and debts as best as the Judge can if you do not enter into an agreement with your spouse.
  4. Permit someone to resume their maiden name.
  5. Decide child custody if you cannot enter into an agreement.

Now those are just some of the things that can be accomplished in a New Jersey divorce but here is what cannot be accomplished:

6. If your spouse cheated, your spouse will not get punished.
7. The divorce will not teach you how to communicate with your former spouse about how to be good parents, how to work together, etc. You have to work at that and you have to deal with some very upset and angry former spouses that will do what they can to keep you away from your kids and this is where aggressive enforcement of court orders is needed.
8. If your spouse does not pay alimony, the court will not automatically enforce the court order, you will need to.
9. The divorce Judge will not explain the tax benefits/ramifications of your decisions and the divorce judge will not give you legal advice.
10. A divorce judge will not, cannot give your case all the time it needs or at least the time you think it needs because family court judges are among the busiest judges in America.
11. A divorce will not make it easy to determine who are your friends and who are your spouses friends.
12.  A divorce will not teach you how to tell your children, your loved ones that you are in fact getting a divorce.
13. A divorce will not tell you how to tell your spouse you want a divorce! The good news is that there are many resources out there as to how to handle these difficult situations and I suggest you do that before just “winging it” in such an important aspect of your life.
14. A divorce will not solve all of your problems.

What a divorce can do is provide some finality to a certain period of your life. I say some finality because if you have children of a certain age, you will still have to deal with each other and be reminded of certain events until you fully heal. And for those without kids, their are emotional wounds just as deep there. If you have a divorce or family law case and seek a family law attorney in Jersey City-New Jersey contact my team on 973-337-9643.


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