You hear it all the time, divorce is so bad, it is so painful, it is/was the worst experience of my life, the kids will be so upset, the kids will have bad relationships in the future, the kids this or that, my parents will say this or that, i didn’t try hard enough, the list goes on and on. IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE. When I did the Buddha’s divorce, he was smiling the whole time and when we were done, he smiled even more while we ate a great meal together in downtown Jersey City, it was awesome! (Yes I am a dreamer)
While we know divorce was not one of our lifetime goals, it does not mean you failed or that it is the end. It is the end of the marriage but could be a new beginning for you and your family. What is very important to remember if you have children together is that you both have one thing in common: your unconditional love for your children. The children should not be used in divorce litigation to hurt the other party because in the end, the kids will get hurt. Another important thing to keep in mind is: do not go too far in your divorce case or the pain cause by trying to hurt your spouse may never go away and that will forever damage the need to co-parent. Don’t do it. Think of the kids first.
No for those who think they should just stay in a marriage for the kids, Do you honestly think the kids do not know how miserable you are? Does your family not notice this? And shame on them if they do and did nothing about it, did not speak to you about it. This is not the 1950s where people were essentially forced to stay married or were shunned. While I do not agree with just giving up on a marriage, there does come a point where there is no return and if you do not save yourself, the whole ship will go down in flames. If you go down too far and can’t work, or can’t handle taking care of the kids, everybody loses so you must know when it is time to call it quits and get yourself back on track for everybody’s future.
Think about this too. Your whole life, you were told to do this or that, go to school, go to work, have a family, etc. During that time, you may have lost yourself in that there is no time for you and yes, many times you do need some time for yourself. Once you are divorced, you will have time for your interests and the other times when you do have the kids, you may be more energized than you ever were when you were married and under the “house rules.” The fact is you can have your cake and eat it too. You can be a provider/caretaker of the kids and still have a life and the kids will see you are happy! Our children can read us better than a scholar at Oxford reading a poem.
While some aspects of a divorce can be hard for sure, you can get through it. You can handle it. You can find a way to improve your life and with that, your children and your family’s life will improve too. Who wants to be around someone that is always upset? irritable? angry? Nobody. Divorce can be a door to your new life where you focus on the aspects of your life that you need to improve or just a new point in your life that will focus on you, not your family’s expectations or anyone else for that matter, finally you.
As you may see, I am a divorce attorney in Jersey City and I also practice other key areas of law in Jersey City and the surrounding areas. When people come into my office, I am not selling them or trying to convince them to get a divorce, in fact, it is the opposite, I make sure they know this is what they want, I ask why they want it, what are the issues in the case that I can help them achieve and we go from there. As I said, if you can save your marriage you should try as hard as you can but if that levy has broken, it is time to start the cleanup and rebuild a stronger and happier you. Until next time, think positive and be safe. If you are interested in speaking with me about your case or a potential case in my Jersey City office, call 201-706-7910 today. If you would like to learn more about all of the legal services our Jersey City lawyers offer visit: Artusa Law Firm-Jersey City Lawyers.